Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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