Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
