Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
