i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
