it wasn't lemon gatorade
its not stalking. its research.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize