Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
