i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
