I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize