i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
