he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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