my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
