Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
