It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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