if i died would you start the facebook group?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
