You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
