every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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