just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
