Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
