Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
