wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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