I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
