It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it's like heaven, but drunker
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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