Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
