I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
