ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
