1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
