yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
