I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
