Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
only you would photoshop your dick
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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