So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
