You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
