Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
