If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
