DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
