I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
