i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
