Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
