According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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