So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
