The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
