Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
