I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
