We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
