my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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