I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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