So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
