i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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