I'm eating all of the evidence.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
