That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
