i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize