Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
