Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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