A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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