you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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