i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
