no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
