Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
