this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm too high and old for this...
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