I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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