I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
this must be what syphilis tastes like
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
