I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
