White coat. Heels.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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