the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it was like eating out sand paper
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
