Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
