Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize