Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
