What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
